Well, it has been quite a long time since I have written here. I am still in the same spot that I was the last time I wrote. I still value my privacy, and I still do not know what I want to do about my blog.
And, I still fight the urge to just delete it all as if it never happened.
However, though I am not sure what I want to do about my blog, unlike the last time I wrote, I am writing again. This time, though, it is for me and those whom I am comfortable with sharing. I am writing for myself and no one else.
Also, just like the last time I wrote, I have had a lot going on in the past nearly six months. The pessimist and negative person in me will tell you most of it has been quite challenging and stressful. I guess you could figure that out by my lack of posting on here.
I am at a point in my life where I am learning a lot of valuable lessons. I am at a point in my life where I am consciously aware of both good and bad parts of being human. I am embracing experiences with much more care and awareness now.
Most importantly and significantly, I have learned a lot about my desperate need for God in these last six months. In fact, I reached a point where I realized God is the only one whom I can depend on in this life without fail.
Yes, I still have my husband and others in my life whom I love dearly and whom I can also depend on. However, these people are fallible and sinful, just like me. This means I will let others down just as much as others will let me down.
God, on the other hand, will never fail me or let me down.
Ultimately, I have been through some things in the last six months that have shown me God is the only one who will be there for me no matter what. God is my only hope in this world. Nothing and no one else can or will sustain me.
And I tell you, God’s Word is living and active. As Hebrews 4:12 (NASB) states, “For the word of God is living and active and sharper than any two-edged sword, and piercing as far as the division of soul and spirit, of both joints and marrow, and able to judge the thoughts and intentions of the heart.”
I can tell you right now, that is true. Meditating on God’s word, specifically, the above scripture in Psalm 62, has gotten me through some very trying times.
Granted, this makes it sound like I have always turned to God during my trying times recently. I can also tell you, I have not always done so. My walk with God is not perfect, especially as someone who has massive trust, attachment, abandonment, and rejection issues.
However, I do have a strong community of believers around me who have been the hands and feet of Jesus in my life when I vehemently do not want it but desperately need it. We need a community. Time and time again, I say, we cannot live this life alone. I still stand by it.
For, yes, that’s another thing I have been really intentional about in the last six months. I have a community of people who have walked alongside me in my valleys and mountaintops these previous six months. And, I, too, have walked alongside their own valleys and mountaintops.
I guess I am writing this to tell you I am still here. I have not forgotten about my blog. Instead, I have dedicated these last six months towards taking many steps forward and backward and backward and forward again in healing. Life is not linear, friends.
I have deepened some sweet, sweet friendships and relationships. Most importantly, God has been there with me and carried me, even when I did not want Him or feel like He was there.
God is and always will be faithful, dear friends.
So, perhaps, I will see you in another six months. Or, I may see you sooner.
Nevertheless, may you know you are deeply loved, deeply valued, and wonderfully made by God, the Father. The same God who made you, who sent His Son to die on the cross for your sins so that you may have everlasting life in Him, is the same God who will never leave you nor forsake you.
Thank you dearly for taking time out of your lives to read my blog! Your support means the world to me. I praise God you found this blog, whether you stumbled upon it accidentally or sought it out intentionally.
I’d LOVE to hear from you all! Feel free to leave a comment or e-mail me at firstname.lastname@example.org.
I pray God would bless you and be with you always, no matter where you find yourselves in life.
He was delivered over to death for our sins and was raised to life for our justification. – Romans 4:25 (NIV).