My husband and I recently celebrated our anniversary. As much as I love celebrating our union and the love we share, the time of year is also extremely difficult for us. It is heart-wrenching for me to celebrate.
For, around the same time of year, several people close to us are mourning. My heart is always heavy for them because it is a constant reminder that you simply never know what someone is going through—that just as we celebrate, others near and dear are hurting in ways I will never be able to comprehend.
Additionally, at about the same time we celebrated our anniversary this year, I also remember having an extremely difficulty evening. You know that pit I referenced a few years ago? Although nearly three years have passed since then, some days, I feel like I am still in the pit.
In fact, some days, I feel like I have never left the pit.
Instead, the pit has simply been a ruse. A facade of my real life. That deep down, that pit is still infested. I still sit in the mire and confusion of that season of life.
Then, I think to myself—it was not a season of life. No, it was simply life.
And at that moment, I am reminded of two truths I learn to accept more and more each day: We live in a fallen world filled with sin. And, some parts of life will never get easier, despite what society may tell you.
Yes, I said it.
As I learn to get passed the tribulations I have been through, I have come to embrace the notion that some parts of life will always be difficult, no matter what. They may not bother us as frequently. But, they will always bother us.
And, as the years pass, they will continue to bother us and trigger us in situations we never thought possible.
I mean, mere days ago, I found myself crying so deeply about my moment in the pit like it had just happened yesterday.
Nearly three years later.
It doesn’t get easier.
Just like, mourning never gets easier. And that is why my anniversary is always difficult.
I find myself in a Catch-22. I don’t feel like I deserve to celebrate when I know so many around me are hurting in ways my heart can’t comprehend. I don’t think it is fair for me.
The only part of difficult experiences that change is you learn to adapt with each triggering moment. You learn to find your new normal. You learn to understand what your identity is in light of the situation. You learn to redefine your loyalties and priorities.
I have had a lot of heart-wrenching discussions in this past nearly three years. Every single time I come to several conclusions.
Sin is awful. Pain is awful. Death is final.
And this world is not my home. God has a plan for all the ugliness of this world.
He will redeem His people.
His will make all things new.
But, until then, all we can do is try our best within our human ability to cling to the cross.
To cling to the truth of the Gospel— “He made Him who knew no sin to be sin on our behalf so that we might become the righteousness of God in Him.” – Corinthians 5:21.
To find hope in this broken, sinful world filled with hurting people.
I know this post may not make a lot of people happy. I know many may not agree. But, as someone who has gone through her fair share of trials, I tell you, it doesn’t get easier. You simply learn to accept that part of your life and try your best to live with it.
Yes, that will probably take counseling and many tears. But, there’s a new normal. Yet, it’s never quite like the old. For, your life just isn’t the same after trauma. It simply isn’t.
And that’s why one day or one conversation can completely trigger you all over again, no matter how much time has passed.
And that is why my anniversary is such a difficult time for me. Maybe it is the wannabe counselor in me. I don’t know.
Regardless, I will never have an anniversary where I am not aware of the hurt of this world. Perhaps, that was God’s plan all along. Yet again, I don’t know.
My call to you is this: In joyful moments, remember those who are hurting. For, just as one rejoices, another weeps. That doesn’t mean celebrations aren’t worth celebrating. What it means is we live in a fallen, sinful world. In a world that desperately needs Jesus Christ.
Be His light, friends. You never know who may need it, especially on your brightest days.
Blessings,
Renata
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Thank you dearly for taking time out of your lives to read my blog! Your support means the world to me. I praise God you found this blog, whether you stumbled upon it accidentally or sought it out intentionally.
I’d LOVE to hear from you all! Feel free to leave a comment or e-mail me at coffee.soothes.the.soul@gmail.com.
I pray God would bless you and be with you always, no matter where you find yourselves in life.
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He was delivered over to death for our sins and was raised to life for our justification. – Romans 4:25 (NIV).
coffee soothes the soul 