A Topic Worth Discussing: Boundaries


I’ve been mulling over a topic for the blog for a while now. I’ve been mulling over it for myself more than anyone else. Yet, I think it is a topic definitely worth discussing. This topic, from what I can tell, is one of those infamous taboo kinds.

The topic I am talking about? Setting boundaries.

Just typing those words made me feel two invisible weights drop. Why is that? Why has society seemingly created a culture that doesn’t want to talk about boundaries?

Perhaps, it is because we live in a world where people still want to believe they can trust others. Although, news story after news story begs to differ.

Perhaps, it is because, at their core, boundaries take humility. They take realizing we aren’t invincible. They take acknowledging we are not God, nor should we strive to be Him. Boundaries are the loudest declaration we are humans bound to be hurt by other humans.

Here’s the hard truth I choose to live by: We need boundaries. Boundaries are healthy. They are beneficial. They help heal. They help restore.

I won’t deny, though, part of this comes from unresolved trust issues, which I have touched on a time or two on this blog. My life story, specifically being left in a hospital at birth, ignited a lifelong battle of trust issues. I have very few, and I do mean, very few people I trust.

And even then, a still, small voice in my head always has this hunch that even those people will betray that trust. It’s a vicious cycle. And it is because of that vicious cycle I have boundaries.

Plus, I am not the toughest gal around. I mean, for goodness sakes, this is the same gal who won’t get a big dog—despite how fluffy, adorable, and lovable they are—simply because I wouldn’t be able to deal with its weight.

Ultimately, if something were to ever happen to me, I don’t know how I’d be able to fight for myself. I am a fighter, yes. But, most of that fighting comes from my stubborn, emotional nature—not a tough and rugged physical physique.

In other words, between fight and flight, I choose flight. Or going numb. Between fight and flight, I choose to give in. It’s tough to admit that some days, but I know that about myself, which helps me work to overcome it. Believe me, I want to be a fighter in that regard. But, at the moment, I am wired to fly.

Nevertheless, I am thankful I know this about myself. I am thankful for this knowledge because it helps me be realistic and logical about my boundaries. For the most part, I know which boundaries to set in which situations. To be honest, though, I am still working to clearly define other boundaries.

As part of being a private, yet an open writer, I won’t divulge what those boundaries are. They are for me and those close to me to know.

Besides, I think part of what makes boundaries so important is simply being aware of them and knowing when to make them known. I don’t consider my blog one of those areas I need to make them known.

It is challenging. It is convicting. It is humbling.

Nevertheless, I tell you, dear friends, set them. And hold fast to them. At the end of the day, if you don’t, you’ll be the one who gets hurt.

Trust your gut. Trust your instinct. If you know you should avoid a certain situation or person, do. Your safety and peace of mind are far more important than mockery. Let people mock. Let people judge.

Yet, always give grace. I am telling this to myself more than anyone else. Don’t let your boundaries be so rigid that you cannot live life. Be careful, yet open. Be cautious, yet optimistic.

So, I write this to tell you, I am mulling over a vital need in this world. I am just beginning to dive deep into a greater understanding of who I am and who I want to be in this world. And because of that, this is probably not the only time I will talk about it in some way, shape, or form on my blog.

I strive to shatter the stigma. I strive to bring the taboo topics to light one post at a time.

I sincerely encourage you to join me in this pursuit of greater understanding. Spend even five minutes defining and setting your boundaries. Tell someone you trust what those are, so he or she can keep you accountable.




Thank you dearly for taking time out of your lives to read my blog! Your support means the world to me. I praise God you found this blog, whether you stumbled upon it accidentally or sought it out intentionally.

I’d LOVE to hear from you all! Feel free to leave a comment or e-mail me at coffee.soothes.the.soul@gmail.com.

I pray God would bless you and be with you always, no matter where you find yourselves in life.

He was delivered over to death for our sins and was raised to life for our justification. – Romans 4:25 (NIV).

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