Sharing My Heart: I Am Not Ashamed

Romans 1-16

Sometimes, I am hesitant to share my heart.

Satan likes to tempt me to believe that talking about God on this platform is not necessary. But, I refuse to let his temptations get the best of me. So, today, I am going to share my heart, even if it seems mundane, repetitive, or unnecessary.

Today, I am going to tell some of you for the first time and remind others that I have a relationship with Jesus. I am not ashamed of the gospel. I am not ashamed of what I know in my heart to be true, regardless of what the world may profess.

It is because of this lack of shame I tell you, whenever I need to calm my mind and focus at work or at home, I listen to music. I listen to Christian music that proclaims the beautiful name of Jesus. Today was one of those days I desperately needed to wind down and focus. My mind and talkative nature seemed to be everywhere but present at my job.

So, I did what I know best. I listened to music while working. Thankfully, I work at an organization that allows this. In the midst of paperwork, I found myself intimately worshiping and praising God. I found myself with tears in my eyes at the goodness and graciousness of God.

I found myself overwhelmed and in awe of God’s majesty. I found myself magnified by His power, glory, and strength all because of one song, “Strong God” by Vertical Church Band.

Father to the fatherless
Defender of the weak
Freedom for the prisoner
We sing

The opening verse brought me to a near standstill and almost flooded my face with tears. I continue to grapple with the first five years of life as an orphan. I still look back at that time. I still try to process all that it means for me, nearly seventeen and a half years later.

I still need the constant reminder, God is my Father and I am His chosen child, adopted into His Kingdom. Then, I hear the words:

With us in the wilderness
Faithful to provide
Every breath and every step
We sing

As I have touched on previously, 2016 was one of the most difficult years of life I have had thus far in my short existence. That year, I found myself in a deep pit, in a valley of depression.

Six months into 2017, I no longer find myself in a pit, but I still catch myself looking back down into the pit. I am not too far away from it either. In fact, there are times I feel inclined to crawl back in for a reason unclear to me. I still find myself looking over my shoulder wondering if it is okay to move on, to take a tiny step forward.

The above words remind me it is God who brought me out of the pit. He allowed the bad to happen. He was with me in the wilderness of life. He was with me in the pit. He provided for me in ways my heart did not know I needed. He provided and ordained every breath and every step.

He is not the God of uncertainty. He is not the God of weakness. He is Emmanuel. He is the Messiah.

I tell you, friends. Today, this is the prayer of my heart:

Sing out, lift your voice and cry out
Awesome is our strong God, mighty is our God
Sing out, raise your hands and shout out
Awesome is our strong God, mighty is our God

I will continue to sing out, lift my voice, and cry out until the good Lord Jesus Christ calls me home. For, He is in my heart. I am not ashamed.

Blessings,

Renata

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