Sometimes, I love that my blog is autobiographical. Other times, it scares me. Now, do keep in mind, I omit names and personal identifying information whenever necessary. Nevertheless, the content, the substance, the events are all significant portions of my life.
Those significant portions are what motivate me to continue this blog and they can make me unsure of what exactly to say. One week, everything makes sense. The next, I can be all sorts of confused. To say the least, this week has been extremely interesting. Today, I am confused. A little shaken up, yet at peace.
I withdrew from a course this week. The course just started, so I get most of my money refunded, thankfully. Despite that, coming to the decision was not easy. But, I had to make it semi-quickly. The more I lingered, the less money I got back. Even worse, the more I lingered, the more work I would do that would not ultimately lead to completing the course.
The reasons as to why I chose to withdraw from the course are not necessary, at the moment. This blog has taught me I don’t necessarily have to explain why I made a decision, but more importantly, what it taught me. I guess one could say that is part of being an adult.
I haven’t been an adult long. I do more learning in my adulthood now than I do spreading of any sort of knowledge. Nonetheless, I have seen some consistency in said adulthood.
Firstly, making tough decisions won’t get easier. In fact, it seems they only get harder. It seems each decision is uniquely its own, that there is not a one-size fits all solution or result. Situations change. Priorities change. With more life experience comes more wisdom. With more wisdom comes more possible solutions, a greater perspective.
Each difficult decision I have had to make in the last five years or so has shown me that adulthood can seem like a never-ending list of pros and cons. You have to lay out all of your possible options, consider time restraints, and mull over each option. Then, come to a decision.
No problem can fix itself overnight. No decision can be made on its own. We have to be part of that process, as messy and undesirable as it can be sometimes. The decision will always have to be made. Sometimes, the decision itself isn’t hard, rather learning how to manage after can be the most difficult part.
So, yes, I withdrew from a course. I will be able to retake it again and graduate, eventually. No, it is not on “my timeline.” In fact, the majority of my education timeline has been far from what I expected. Expected or unexpected, God is in control. It is in this truth alone I find peace, even in the seemingly most time-sensitive and difficult decisions.
My call to you is simple: Embrace tough decisions. No, they won’t be easy. But, they are necessary, especially as you get older. Truthfully, though, tough decisions don’t just belong in adulthood. Tough decisions are a part of life in general.
Rest assured, if you find yourself in a rut or a muddled pit of uncertainty, you are not alone.