It is amazing how quickly life passes us by. It has been nearly a year since I was thrown into a difficulty and began some of the hardest months I have ever known in my short life thus far. I know each time I choose to look back on my life, this past year will always be one of my first reflections.
It does not seem like it was nearly a year ago that God took me through a whirlwind of a season. It does not seem like nearly a year ago that I woke up filled with joy and went to bed more confused than ever. A lot has happened in this past year.
I guess in a way this is a life update. I am in the middle of the despair again. The past few days or so I have been in the deepest of valleys. I hurt. I ache. I cry out. And I just don’t understand. In the midst of the confusion, I have learned a few things.
This past year has taught me that sometimes you never entirely get over things. You simply change and learn to move on. But, you never entirely get over them. They never stop shaping you, whether it be for the good or bad.
I fully believe you can never truly leave the past in the past. Somehow, it always comes back. Yes, there is a fine line between moving on and dwelling in the past. But, some events are so big and life changing that they never leave you.
There are times I thought I left the pit. Then there were a lot of other times, I felt like I was in the deepest, darkest part of the pit.
Every time I thought this recent trial would stop impacting my life and allow me to heal, another part of me felt the pain. Another part of me ached.
This past year has taught me that you can continue to live life among the valleys. But, it is only by Jesus’ grace and loving mercy that you will slowly be able to find joy amongst all the sorrow and confusion. It isn’t quick, nor is it easy. But, it is possible with Jesus Christ.
This past year has taught me that certain trials, and really all trials in life, do not just impact you. They impact everyone you are close with. It may not be in the capacity or extreme as you. But, the people closest to you hurt, cry, and are confused right alongside you.
Trials change us. They just do. I knew the moment I began this trial nearly a year ago that I would never be the same person again. I knew this, as did my husband.
This past year has taught me it will be a long time before I stop meeting with my counselor about this event. That isn’t to say I don’t have good weeks and bad weeks.
I haven’t been overwhelmed by this event lately. However, it does creep back into my life. Each time it does, I know full well what my next counseling session will involve.
No matter where this next year of my life within this difficulty takes me, I know it happened for God’s glory and for the goodness of His Kingdom. Some days it’s been hard to remember. Some days it will be hard to remember in the future, too.
This I tell you: As I continue to try to slowly heal from the pain, I hope and pray I glorify God in the process. It is because of Him that in the midst of it all, I still have so much to be grateful for. I still have so much to praise Him for. Thank you for standing in the valley with me this past year.