More often than not, what I publish isn’t always the first idea or draft that comes to mind. I had a different post I wanted to discuss, but I decided the idea could wait another week or two. Much of what I write details about my life, which means the topics closely resonate with what’s going on at the moment.
With that, I must tell you, I learn something new about marriage every day. I learn what it truly means to love someone else more than yourself. I learn what it truly means to put someone else first. I learn what it truly means to be one with another human being.
As I have previously mentioned, my husband recently had his gallbladder taken out. Although the main hurts and pains are gone with his organ, the lack thereof his gallbladder can still cause trouble. Looking back now, I don’t think that was something either of us truly understood. We knew he would have to watch what he ate. Yet, we did not know to what extent his body would respond if it acted up, regardless of how well he cared for himself.
This past week, I went on vacation. During part of it, my husband’s stomach acted up and caused some problems. His stomach problems often come sporadically. They can last a few hours or they can last a few days. While on vacation, they lasted nearly two full days.
Let me tell you, nothing breaks my heart more than to see my husband in pain and knowing I can’t do anything about it. When his stomach acts up, only time, sleep, and limited amounts of food help.
It can be scary to trust that God will take care of him. But, I do. I trust that He will. But, trusting God will care for my husband does not take away the sadness. When my husband’s stomach acts up, he is sad and sluggish. He simply isn’t himself.
It’s hard for me to not be sad when he is sad. It’s crazy how God continually intertwines our lives. I’ve learned that being one with my husband can sometimes mean simply being present with his emotions right alongside him.
It means crying simply because seeing him in pain can be unbearable. It means taming my emotions, if I have had a good day and he has not. It means constantly reminding him he is not alone.
In this moment, I am sad and my heart breaks for my husband to be relieved of his pain. In this moment, my heart cries out that God may heal him and give him rest. In this moment, I am grateful for emotions, no matter how messy they may be at times.
I praise God I have a lifelong companion who will laugh, hurt, and cry alongside me. I praise God we are not meant to live this life alone. I praise God for my husband and the wonderful gift of marriage. Most importantly, I praise God for any and all future lessons He will teach me through my husband and our holy union.
I leave you with this: If you are like me and deeply hurt and feel right alongside others in their greatest need, do not be ashamed. It may be confusing and embarrassing at times, but do not be ashamed. It is in every situation filled with laughter or tears we learn why community matters, why human relationships matter.
I challenge you: If you ever need to just cry, do it. If someone you care about simply needs you to sit and not say a word, then sit. If someone you care about needs a hug or shoulder to cry on, let your shirt get salty with tears.
And for those of you who share in the wonderful gift of marriage, continually strive to be one with your spouse—in every intricate way. Let God mold you and shape you as one. Pray that He may teach you more about Himself and yourselves through each other.