This week is one of those weeks where time is flying by faster than I can blink. I haven’t had a real grasp of this week, after taking a day off for vacation. Nevertheless, life still continues to move on. It’s funny how we cannot slow down for life and it cannot slow down for us either.
This week reciprocates how life has been for me recently. Lately, I have struggled to understand what I am supposed to do with my life. I have thought I “knew” several times. But, alas, God guided me elsewhere.
I thought I wanted to be a public speaker. But, I don’t know. I thought I wanted to be a writer. But I don’t know. This week, I have fought doubt after doubt. I knew it would happen eventually. Not even six months ago, I was rather content with my life and current circumstances. I was confident.
But, now, I ask questions. I ask, “What am I supposed to do with my life?” Or, “Am I meant to get this degree?” Or, “Will I actually get my degree?”
Rather than curling up in a ball of uncertainty, I decided to take a step in the uncomfortable. I decided to challenge my former habits in chaos. I chose to not be stagnant.
I chose to still pursue my degree in the midst of confusion. I chose to keep living life in my present circumstances until God led me elsewhere. Choosing to do so did not mean completely dropping my present commitments. It meant embracing them all the more.
But yet, being mindful of finding my direction still matters. It does not vanish. It simply does not overwhelm and consume my life, like other previous confusion roots have.
My willingness to still live in the moment yet be mindful of the future does not guarantee answers, but it assures progress. It assures my future is important to me. It assures I will not simply remain in a situation solely because it “feels” right.
If this post sounds confusing in any way, shape, or form, welcome. And I am sorry. Bear with me, as I try to bear with myself.
Simply put, I am in a season of confusion. But, it is a comforting confusion, not like the dark one I was in months ago. This is molding me into Christ’s image confusion. I don’t know if or when I will ever get answers. But, I do know God placed me in this season for my good and His Glory.