This week is one of the hardest and most emotionally exhausting for me. I knew it would be long before it began. It’s one of those weeks where no matter how hard you try, the week will challenge you and shape you. It will test every fiber of your being until somehow it comes to an end.
This past Sunday, I discussed the hurdles that would come with this week with a dear friend and mentor. In those five to ten minutes, I finally learned a lesson. I say finally because she has told me this countless of times. Yet, I never let it truly sink in. I acknowledged it, but I did not let it capture my heart and captivate me.
She is someone who has definitely gone through her fair share of trials and difficult years. She has lived in valleys and sung on mountaintops. Each year, she reflects on the good God brought her through. Some years were filled with much more disappointment than joy. Yet, she still dwells in the goodness of God’s never-ending grace and peace.
Knowing all this and much more about her, this dear sweet friend of mine said, “You can look back on this week one day and know God carried you through.” At first, I said to my husband, “We can look back at this moment years from now and know we can handle whatever comes our way.” Again, my friend gently and loving said, “God will carry you through.”
I don’t know what was so different about this one moment compared to all the others she had spoken this to me. But, while standing in my church sanctuary, I finally processed what she’d been saying to me all along. Realizing this made the moment even richer and His grace that much sweeter. Realizing this made me overcome with a sense of peace and heavenly comfort I have not felt in months.
This current trial in my life will probably come to an end one day. But even if I never see the end, I know God carried me through. I know it surely was not in my strength or ability, but only in God’s. I know I do not have to carry and contain my battles on my two shoulders. I can give them to Christ instead.
Nothing I say or do in this trial will change the outcome. God has already predestined the result. I cannot cling to the notion that my words or my actions had a truly lasting effect in the end. Only God’s power and sovereignty did. Yes, I can be a tool in His hands. But, I am not the crafter. I am the clay. He is the Potter.
Ultimately, I can choose to be upset at myself for how long it took me to learn this lesson. Or, I can be grateful He brought me to this realization, especially in a time of my life filled with much confusion and uncertainty. I choose to be grateful. I choose to rest in His strength and perfect will. I choose to surrender my life to Him today and every day. I choose to trust He will always carry me through, not in my timing or strength but His.
I hope to look back on this post and part of my life with gratitude, no matter how difficult it has been and could still be. I hope to look back with peace. Even if I may never understand why I have this current trial, I trust He will use it and me for His glory.