Bear with me, there are some topics I may touch on and discuss many times. As I continuously think about what to write about each week, I’ve learned that’s okay. That’s okay because we are human people who never truly forget about a topic, person, or event. In one small way or another, it comes back.
This could be due to a lack of gratification. This could be due to a desire to always know more about ourselves and the experiences that shape us. Whatever that may be, I’m stuck in my own reoccurring topic.
I’ve been married for about eight months now. The past eight months have been absolutely wonderful and I praise God that He gave me my husband. I praise Him that He allowed me to experience such an amazing gift and to be a grand testament to His grace and love through my covenant marriage. Yet, I feel discontent in my own contentment. Let me explain.
I do not want to be in a different season of life. Yet, I am not comfortable with being okay where I am. We live a society that always expects something from people. For young people, it’s courting or dating, then an engagement, then marriage, then a house, then kids, then this or that. You get the point. Society always wants people chasing things. But, what happens if we don’t want to chase or race to the next step?
This is where I am, friends. I so desperately want to tell people I am joyful in my current season. Yet, I am afraid to be honest. I am afraid to let people know that what I am experiencing right now are, in fact, the desires of my heart.
Yes, I still have my fair share of trials. But, I am so grateful where I am. And I feel wrong. I feel disgusted. I am right where society wants me. I am giving in to the pressure. I am a peer pressure seeker and dweller. I always have been and I probably always will be.
In my deepest moments of confusion and doubt, I have to remind myself that I do not live according to the world’s standard, but according to God’s. I am resting in His peace. I am resting in the desires of my heart. I am resting where I am.
We are created for far more than a Catch-22 life so we cannot allow ourselves to live one. We cannot allow ourselves to get so caught up in what the world thinks of us. We cannot give into the lies that we aren’t good enough in some way or that what we are doing is not meeting a standard or expectation. We cannot be ashamed of the desires of our heart.
Yet, we cannot fight a change in them either. I know that one day I may not be satisfied with where I am or with what I am doing.
As of right now, though, I am not going to create a false discontentment to please others, nor should you.
I leave you with this, be gracious towards others. Be observant. Don’t try to pressure people into changing their current season of life because it’s not what you expect of them. It’s awkward and uncomfortable. Be rest assured that even though others may not be living the life you think they should, they are living the life God has planned for them.