I am a reflective person by nature. I love looking back at my life, as short-lived as it has been, and see what’s happened from the outside looking in. One tends to see circumstances in a different perspective. I like to see how much has changed and even how much has remained the same.
In a world filled with so much seriousness, hurt, and pain, I am going to take this post to let you all see a different side of me. Yes, I have a crazy life story that always seems to add another chapter of chaos. Yet, beneath all the chaos, I am a person rooted in her beliefs, values, joys, and pleasures.
This post will also show you just how scattered my thoughts can be some days. I go through MUCH editing, revising, and proofreading before I publish a post. Even then, there is always room for change. Nevertheless, this time, we’ll be a little creative.
I vividly remember one of the first pictures my mom ever took of me. I was bundled up in a bright pink coat, a pink hat—with a fuzzy ball on top, a pink dress, and pink gloves. I was standing in the middle of Red Square in Moscow, which is one of the most beautiful sights in the entire world. I cannot help but chuckle every time I think of the photo. I was not your typical girly-girl, nor did I like the color pink. However, the picture would beg to differ.
A little part of Russia travels with me every place I call home. I have five sets of the famous nesting dolls from Russia that always act as decor. They often provide great entertainment and joy for guests. They even act as a wonderful conversation starter. Most importantly, they remind me the nation is filled with beautiful things and beautiful people, no matter how tarnished and corrupted it may be at times.
People also have the tendency to assume I like cold weather because I am from Russia. That could not be farther from the truth. I am the person who considers anything below 80 degrees chilly. In fact, I would love to live in San Diego, California one day. I went there for my honeymoon and never wanted to leave. My husband strategically made sure that was the first part of our trip, so I would be motivated for part two. If I can’t live in San Diego, I wouldn’t mind Galveston, Texas either. There’s something spectacular about living close to the beach that I can’t resist.
Even though I hope to one day live by the beach, I don’t really care for swimming or the water. When I was in grade school, I decided to venture on into the deep end of the pool since I had a pool ring to help me swim. I remember seeing my dad jump off the diving board just before a boy stuck my head under the water and held it there for what felt like an eternity. I don’t remember how, but the boy eventually stopped. I gasped for air and started having a coughing fit. From that moment, I have not traveled outside the edge of the deep end of the pool. If I am in more than four feet of water, my legs instantly start to feel like jelly.
Not only do I have a slight fear to water, I am afraid of heights, spiders, snakes, and mice. Naturally, I am afraid of heights because of my disability. My fear of spiders is fairly simple. If I see a spider in the bathtub, dead or alive, you bet your bottom dollar I won’t be showering until that sucker is down the drain. I lived in the country for nearly fourteen years. I saw enough snakes and mice for a lifetime. Okay, not really, but it sure seemed like it.
My years of living in the country on a small farm taught me I am a city gal. I don’t have a problem visiting my family in the country, but I wouldn’t want to reside there. I think the closest I will ever get to living in the country is a couple miles outside of a town. Even then, though, I would have to absolutely LOVE the home. Living in close proximity to a myriad of options is worth insane traffic. I will ultimately see what I decide when I buy my first home several years from now.
Even though I long to own a home one day, one of my guilty pleasures is a small living space. When I say small, I mean a place that is not too big and too small, just the right size. It’s hard to find, but I know it’s possible because the apartment I live in is just the right size. I don’t like to be too cluttered. Right now, we have to pick and choose what we want in our home carefully, which forces us to only get what we absolutely need.
I close with this, my favorite part of any story, movie, or television series is the ending. As a writer and storyteller, I am enthralled to see how a storyline ends and wraps up. If an ending makes me cry my eyes out, then I think it’s absolutely wonderful, incredible storytelling. As much as we all hate to admit it, the ending provides the most intense portion of an episode or chapter. It is what makes us look forward to the next page or long for more in a tale we don’t want to end.
Today, the ending provides an opportunity for me to look back on one day from the outside looking in. Don’t fear self-reflection. As scary as it can be sometimes, it’s wonderful to see the innate qualities about ourselves that remain the same. I also hope this blog has and continues to allow you all to learn more about me.