Personality Deception: Square Peg in a Round Hole

2 Corinthians 5 17

This past week, I took a couple personalities tests. I have always enjoyed understanding why I operate the way I do on a deeper level. I find it fascinating to research qualities about myself that could explain even the slightest details about my behavior. In fact, I wrote a research paper all about the Myers-Briggs personality type quiz for a psychology course in high school.

For the longest time, I swore I would always be an INTJ: introverted, intuitive, thinking, and judging, or “The Architect.” To put it simply, and I mean very simply, this personality type is driven by finding a better way to do things in a logical manner. It is driven by knowledge and intuition.

In my high school and early college years, I thoroughly embodied this personality type. I embodied this personality type so much that I let it consume me and practically control me. I refused to believe that I was a feelings driven person. I wanted to so badly believe I solely used logic to make decisions.

Quite simply, I refused to believe I could change and develop into a different individual. In the middle of my struggle, Jesus Christ took me by the hand and made me a new creation in Him. Praise God, I haven’t been the same since.

To no one’s surprise, I had no trouble embracing the dominant qualities of myself, like my introverted nature. However, I did have trouble learning to embrace the weaker qualities of myself. Not only did I have trouble embracing them, I had trouble learning how to improve them as well. It probably does not come as a surprise to most of you, but I really had to learn how to understand my emotions.

When I set out to improve my fragile emotional state, I set out to learn how to manage and function with it. Before I could do any of that, though, I had to acknowledge it. This is where the grace of Jesus comes in. God softened and hardened many people’s hearts throughout scripture, so I knew He had the power to soften my heart.

Through my relationship with my husband, God began softening my own heart. I knew that if I was going to love him as Jesus called me to love the man I could one day marry, I had to make some changes. I was no longer as cynical and cold-hearted towards the world. I intentionally fought against bottling up my emotions. I cried when I needed to. I poured out my heart when I needed to. I opened myself up to the people God placed in my life.

Now, I tend to make my decisions with my heart, which isn’t bad. I haven’t completely let go of my logical nature either. Now, I am okay with crying in front of people. My heart overflows with love for countless of people. Christ has allowed me to love on people in ways I will never fully understand. There are numerous occasions when I find myself overwhelmed at how much I care for and miss someone.

This process towards changing and embracing who I am in Christ was not a short one. In fact, I continually strive to be more Christ-like each day. I will do so until I go home to Jesus. However, the difference between now and then is I am being honest with myself and others.

It’s silly and sad to admit, but I still tried to believe I was an INTJ, even though my new heart said otherwise. I insisted on being the square peg in the round hole. Then, one day, after years of fighting myself, I took the personality quiz again just to see if the changes I saw in myself were true. Sure enough, they were. This time, I found out I was an ISFJ: introverted, sensing, feeling, and judging, or “The Defender.”

Oddly enough, though, after taking the test again, I realized it didn’t matter what my results were. My changes in the exam did not come from anything I did. They all came from God. In that moment, I was okay with not being an INTJ anymore. I don’t have anything against people who have that personality type either. But, when I look at my former self, all of my actions were in vain. My former self lived to glorify me, not Christ. I thank God He transformed me into someone new.

I leave you with this: If you take any personality quizzes or anything of that sort, take the results with a grain of salt. Don’t let four letters or a color define you like I did for years. Don’t let them steal your joy or potential to change into someone better. God, the Creator of everything and everyone, has far GREATER power than four letters do. Only He can transform you into a new creation, which is only found in knowing Him personally. Rest in His truth and in His power, friends. Rest in Him.

Blessings,

Renata

 

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