Today’s one of those days that I have writer’s block. I have so much I want to say, but none of it can condense down into one topic or idea. My life has been quite crazy lately, in a good and bad way. Right after I experience an incredible, joy-filled gift from God, I receive another challenging situation.
I know you know the never-ending cycle I am talking about—LIFE. Just when we think we won’t be hit with another trying time, bam! There it comes with no warning. I am in one of those situations right now. There is no need for me to go into detail about it. But, I do think it is important to address.
Even though I am only 21 years old, one of the constant lessons God teaches me is the importance of being vulnerable with people. However, there is also a fine line between being vulnerable and just simply trusting Him to guide you in a situation. Right now, I am straddling such line. Let me further explain.
I am not a sensitive person, in the grandest of ways. But, I do feel for people and other situations extremely deeply. My level of compassion and empathy for people is interesting. I clam up and freak out when those I love are going through tough situations. While I clam up and freak out, though, my heart breaks. My spoken dialogue tends to speak few words. My facial expressions tend to speak a thousand words. My heart tends to speak a million.
I may hardly say anything to someone when they pour their heart out to me. I may even seem unresponsive and careless. Truth be told, though, I am a sponge absorbing what you say and my heart cries out.
This is especially true when I am among my friends. I loathe seeing the people I love hurting. I can’t stand it when I know I ultimately cannot do anything to help. We have all been in those situations where the only someone who will get us through is Jesus Christ. Outside of Him, no one and nothing can truly bring peace and healing.
Again, that’s where I am right now, guys. I guess I am writing this just to say that I am struggling. It takes a special kind of person and faith to put their lives out for people to see and read, on a consistent basis. Don’t get me wrong, I know it is what the Lord has called me to do with my life and I truly do love my blog.
However, that does not mean my life is always pretty and makes sense. Right now, it is confusing and filled with a lot of unknowns, which really scares me. I am that type of person who can go days without being bothered by life’s messiness. Then, one situation comes and all the raw emotions overflow again.
Truly, I tell you, my heart yearns for much more than my outward appearance may lead others to believe. I am working towards being compassionate on the inside and outside. Far too many times in my life, people have accused me of being a cold, heartless person. They were right. Before I knew Christ, I was that way.
Now that He has a hold of me, I am just trying to make sense of my heart and what overflows from it. At times it is uncomfortable and uneasy, but it is God’s call for His people. I want to live out Romans 12:15. I want to weep with those who weep and mourn with those who mourn. I am not asking to become a hypersensitive person. Lord-willing, if I do, though, then all right. I am simply working towards being empathetic and downright emotionally present.
Quite frankly, all I can do now is cling to the Cross of Jesus Christ. Only He will get me through. I am not sorry for posting this, even though it is slightly uncomfortable doing so. I am not asking for you all to like this. I am not asking you to make sense of this either.
Sometimes, life’s difficulties are so authentic and trying that they flat-out don’t make sense. There’s no shame in that—none. We just have to turn to Jesus. And although I am going through a difficult situation right now, I know that when I read this post, months or even years down the road, God will be present and He will be faithful. I will be able to read this and say, “Yeah, I remember how difficult that was. I felt like I was in a pit, but now, my relationship with Christ is sweeter and truer because of it.”
Embrace difficulties, sweet friends. No matter how difficult they are in the moment, run towards them. When you run towards your difficulties, you run towards God. Nothing is as sweet. If you aren’t going through a hard time, be there for someone who is. Pray that the Lord may you use in someone else’s trial. You don’t have to have all the answers, just point whoever it is towards the One who does.