Jesus humbled me in a mighty way this past weekend. For the first time in what felt like years, I actually took an entire Sunday to rest. For some, that may be a normal, obvious routine. But, for me it is not. In fact, intentionally doing anything but following the holy command became one of my greatest idols.
Frequently and with much pride, I declare I thrive off of busyness. I put more intention into filling up my time just to be able to say, “Yes, I had a busy, productive weekend. I got a lot done. I spent my time wisely.”
Proclaiming my use of time became my ego booster. Subconsciously, I searched for man’s approval through their gratification for my productivity and success. I wanted people to look at me and say, “Wow, I wish I could be as efficient as you. Weekends with much done are far and few between for me. How do you do it?” I wanted people to seek my advice and my wisdom, as if it was mine to give out in the first place. Once in a blue moon, I might actually proclaim that my accomplishments were only possible with Jesus and His help, His strength, and not mine.
For years, I have had this idea in my head that if I fully use the time that God gives me, I glorify Him, which is far from the truth. I idolized the time He gave me; it become a selfish desire, not Christ-driven and centered. Time was not a gift, but an expectation. I expected Christ to give it to me; therefore, I expected myself to run it dry with monotonous nonsense. My ego and Satan led me to believe I was sinning if I was not constantly running and going. I thought it was a sin to intentionally rest, even among all the chaos around me.
I judged people who rested. I scoffed at them for their stupidity and ill-use of God’s gift. I said to myself, “Well, you woke up today, so do everything possible to earn more time.” I thought I owed it to God to be a time-filler. I had this warped idea in my head that because I was adopted and barely had a chance at life to begin with, it was my duty to make use of each waking breath, even if it meant not glorifying Him. Little did I realize, that we are all in that same position each day. God gives and takes away our breath of life, regardless of where or how our story began and how it continues to unfold in present day.
God hit me with a rock for the thousandth time. Finally, I listened and let my pride fall. He opened my eyes, and time became a gift in my eyes. Not once on Sunday did I feel like I owed it to God to fill my day with house chores to earn His love or grace. He placed a desire in my heart to live out His command. God commands us to rest. He created the Sabbath day to be a day of rest, not of catching up in the areas we lagged in throughout the week. The moment I willingly choose to not rest on the Sabbath day, I instantly sin. I say, “God, How you designed the world to be is wrong. Your way is wrong. You are wrong. I am right.”
Time in itself was the snare to my fall. It was the go in my ego. Time was far from a gift. Thankfully, with the Lord’s grace and power, I can shatter this idol and begin to glorify Him, not myself. I would love to tell you to look into your own life and identify your idols. But, the mastery of idols themselves is we don’t know we have them until they hit us flat off our feet. When that moment comes, cling to the cross of Jesus and thank Him for the transformation that will occur in your heart. I promise you, it is worth shattering every idol.